Day 48: But Really, Day 62

Today was hard. I'm not going to lie and say that I remember everything I felt fourteen days ago, so I'm just going to talk about the last two weeks. Honestly? They've been rough. Here's an apologetic, novelistic, grovelsome post to make up for them.

Valentine's Day kicked off my week of doom. The lovey-dovey in the air reminded me of how I was without a valentine for yet another year. I pinky-promised with a friend that we'd be each other's, but fourth block rolled around, and no carnation from my not-so-valentine. Tuesday and Wednesday I was off to a reluctant late start due to my closest brother, further driving a wedge between my reputation and my peers, as well as shortening my fuse. Thursday brought misery with a side of failure as my grades tanked in math and physics. Quiz grades, teachers making me feel stupid, and classmates who are just shy of brilliant combine with "Why don't I get this?!"s and "What the HELL, another 60???"s to create a perfect storm of depression and hopelessness. Add a yearbook that is no where near finished, friends who aren't so friendly, a personal life that happens to be ravaged by another, a brother who is chronically late, a lack of a car, bad weather, raging allergies, slippery hallways, make-up work, and a cloud over a usually sunny disposition and this recipe has gone terribly, terribly wrong. Friday wasn't much better, work drama consumed my evening and as I struggled to grasp with the fact that minimum wage truly sucks, I longed for my bed. Saturday brought more promise, and it made up for the week from hell. I went with L to go see M's band play. If you know me, you most likely know a great deal about M and I, and how these days we are more or less (a lot less) than friends. Nevertheless (ha ha, pun intended), L and I had a great time. I got to see S, which is always great, I talked to M's mother, a few of the band member's parents, and exchanged friendly words with my old best friend. I guess sometimes time really does heal even the worst scars. Sunday I ventured to UNH to visit a different M with S and that was so fun! We sat around with two of S and M's fellow graduates in a hallway in M's dorm for a few hours just making conversation and making each other laugh. After some much needed girl talk in the dining hall, I returned to my comfy bed, only to leave it for B's birthday party. Truthfully? Not a whole lot needs to be said about that. It was... interesting. Not bad, just not quite as jolly as any of us expected. Monday brought awkwardness with my non-valentine, as did Tuesday and Wednesday. Plans always fall through, and I spent most of this February break working, sleeping, and planning my college packing list. I don't think you'll find anyone more excited and ready to leave home. Right now. The rest of the week consisted of the aforementioned excitement. I did however get a snazzy new pair of running sneakers! Also, to compensate for my lack of motivation and the fact that I am becoming a regular recluse, I am posting more than three pictures of my various (and few) adventures this vacation. Seeing as it is 10:30 this morning and I have to work at 3, I'm going to predict a lack of anything worth blogging about later this evening and make this novel count towards today's. Because I am trying to make up for my suckish behavior in the blogosphere the last two or so weeks (it was happening before that as well, I know, I know), I'm posting some old writings I had lying around below. Oh! Also, I sent in my enrollment deposit to Brandeis, and I'm braving the sleet and ice to send my enrollment form in today! I am officially a Brandesian. I signed up for an overnight earlier this morning too. And my internet history consists of various Brandeis links, with some Facebook thrown in there. I'm so excited! And I'm really proud of everyone in my class who is taking that next step with me. We may not act like we like my fellow Toppers sometimes, but in the end we're all 2011ers. We did this together whether we like it or not, and that will always tie us together in the unique way that it does with graduating classes. Alright, enough of that academia crap. On to the musings.

First things first- my college packing list. So far, of course:

Britta water pitcher, bathrobe, shower caddy, throw rug, water filter waterbottle, reading light, iHome, desk lamp, extra-long twin sheets, egg crate mattress pad, comforter/pillows, mini fridge

tupperware, BULK SNACKIES (nom nom nom), corkboard/dry erase board, pop-up laundry hampers, extension cords/power strips, mini tool kit (basic screws, nails, hammer, tape, hooks, screwdriver), frames, micro-cassette recorder (lectures), extra hangers, electric tea kettle, iron/mini ironing board, two full-length mirrors, removable wall decals :), curling iron, yoga pants, stock up on hair stuff, misc hair things

Anyone else have anything to add? I'm looking to expand my list before July so that I can buy things on a regular basis, instead of in bulk. Cause that's craziness.

Here's the supplement I wrote for my Brandeis application:

At first glance, Brandeis University is like other colleges and universities that I have looked at. It is not the smallest school I have seen, nor the largest. It is not the most or least expensive, and it doesn’t have the biggest or smallest campus of the schools I have visited. Of all the schools that I have licked my stamps and sealed my envelopes for, I am most excited to send this application. Four years is a long time to be away from home, but from the very first step I took on campus, I felt like I was walking into a familiar memory. As I sat in the Admissions building waiting for my campus tour, I was approached by a sophomore guy. Normally, being approached by a stranger creates unsettling feelings, but instead his big welcoming grin was reassuring. We chatted for a bit about campus and dorm life until I asked him why he chose Brandeis. His answer was simple; the people. As he went on to describe the community-like feel of the university and how he felt like he had found a second family, something inside of me clicked. Of all the students that I had asked why they chose the school they chose to go to, I had never gotten that answer, which I realized was the answer I was looking for. Brandeis University isn’t just another research university focused on the liberal arts; Brandeis feels like home.

And here's my college essay itself:

Trees and Tattoos
Last June I had a dream that changed my life. I was on my way to a tattoo salon with a small peace sign in mind. After sitting in the chair and explaining what I wanted, the tiny symbol of peace began to take form just below my hairline and above the base of my neck. Each stroke of the gun was deliberate and strangely gentle, and before I knew it the tattoo was done. Odd, I thought, it took longer than I had expected. Skeptically I stood up and looked back into the mirror. To my surprise, a giant peace sign had overtaken my back. I gazed at the ink as it swirled and danced as if it were on fire. When I could find my words again, I cried out to the faceless tattoo man that it was too big and it wasn’t what I wanted but he replied earnestly “Sorry, I couldn’t help but to feel as though this tattoo was meant to be this big.” Shocked, amazed, and a little angry, I contemplated having the man remove the tattoo right on the spot. As I thought about it, I looked a little longer into the mirror. The tattoo was breathtaking. The longer I looked at the reflection, the more vivid and alive it became; miraculously morphing into a portrait of the globe. I stood there in the middle of the tattoo shop in pure awe as the art on my back changed from this sign of peace into our world. The tattoo wasn’t what I wanted, but the faceless man insisted I keep it, saying that I would appreciate it one day.
Today was the day I began to appreciate my “dream-tattoo”. Over the last year and a half, I have become very passionate about the environment and what we can do as individuals to preserve its beauty and resources. I have realized that the search for a renewable energy source that could replace crude oil has been placed on the back burner as issues like the slowly recovering economy and the war overseas are continuously featured on the front pages of our newspapers. Even though environmental issues are currently overshadowed in the media, I work to shed light on them in my everyday life. From helping to facilitate our new school-wide paper and aluminum recycling program, to carpooling, to enlightening others about the dangers of littering, I hope I am beginning to develop into a solution to the problem. In the words of Martin Luther King, Jr., I wish to become the “thermostat that transforms a society rather than a thermometer that records its temperament”.
Throughout the rest of my dream, I battled with myself trying to decide whether to remove the mistake as I first thought of it, or to keep the gift the man had given me. I woke up realizing two things; even though I am only one, I carry the world on my back, and I also carry with me peace. I realized that the world may not be the seven continents, but instead my immediate world. Through the experience of college, I will gain the necessary means to transform my daily surroundings into the world in its entirety. The dream I had last June opened my eyes to an old passion and a new purpose. It is my job to do my part to take care of the world, and my part is through using the tools I have gained thus far in my life to further my education, gather more tools, and appreciate and conserve the beauty that is our world. The faceless man was right.


Now for pictures! Usually I post these at the beginning of my posts, as you know if you even read just one of my posts, but since this is extra long for all the apologies, they're at the end today.

"It is not the mountain we conquer, but ourselves." - Edmund Hillary

live simply.

Day Forty-seven: Unrelenting Thoughts of Sleep

Today was fun. I woke up to a text from BH asking if I wanted to drive up to Gilford for a basketball game and I accepted, unaware of the challenge I was accepting. I printed out directions from MapQuest, gave them a once over and we were off. Unable to leave the tri-city area without blundering through the streets of Dover unsure of our location, I should have predicted the following events. Here's a quick summarization-
Got lost in Dover (the next town over from Rollinsford).
Got lost somewhere in the White Mountains/Ossipe region (45 minutes- an hour from our desired location).
Got stuck behind the slowest drivers in New England and ended up tailgating one of them down a canyon-like street (I almost died of pure stress driving down this cliff).
That's about it. The inbetween stuff isn't very interesting, mostly just freaking out about not knowing where we are, then realizing where are and freaking out about that. Oh, road trips in New Hampshire. So wonderful.
At the end of the day, it doesn't matter how long it takes to get to where you're going. It's the people you're with that matter the most.

"The only way to have a friend is to be one." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

live simply.

Day Forty-six: Marathon Bakery Service

Today was LONG. The caps lock is 100% necessary. Besides getting roughly ten total hours of sleep this week,  I had to learn and work. School began with senioritis. Math was bearable. Psychology was slightly more bearable, except now that I think about it, I was even more frustrated in second block than I was in first. I don't understand why there is a need to constantly draw attention from material that will further your education to something that is completely meaningless. I feel that if you are not truly invested in learning about a subject and you elect to take the class, it is a waste of time and a waste of everyone who truly wants to learn's time. We're seventeen and eighteen years old, soon to graduate, and you are still making fun of the way that someone else talks? Grow up. People like you are the reason that people like me are insecure with themselves and constantly downplay their capacity for greatness. Enough is enough. Third block was taken up this week with the selling of carnations. As a fundraiser for the senior class, we are selling carnations that we are delivering on Valentine's Day, or SAD as I like to call it. SAD stands for Singles Awareness Day, and it really is sad. I'm really one to advertise my relationship status, but I've never had a valentine, so February 14th pretty much sucks. Fourth block was dedicated to the completion of our super-fun acceleration lab. Physics is so interesting, but being given a task and not a ton of instruction on how to construct and manipulate isn't so great. In the end we were able to pull out a V and my group finished with a little time to spare. After school I scooted over to my job where I worked in the bakery. It seemed like the morning person hadn't gotten a lot done. Their lack of checks on the checklist combined with the extra tasks I had been given and the constant busy flow of customers resulted in a six-hour shift instead of the usual four and a half-hour shift. I helped L lock up shop and headed home for some quality time with my pillows. This post was long, but not nearly as long as my very, very long day.

"We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope." - MLK, Jr.

live simply.

Day Forty-five: Catching Up...

Today was Thursday. Another Thursday. And we know how wonderful Thursdays are. Since this is a catch-up post, I'm going to talk about the history of Brandeis. I talk so much about MyDeis and my acceptance, I'll give you all a sneak peak into the next four years of my life.
Brandeis is a private research university funded by the Jewish community. Although initially thought to be a Jewish school (the attendance of Jewish students is higher than average) it is a non-sectarian school. It's namesake, Louis D. Brandeis, was one of the first, if not the first Jewish Supreme Court Judge, and he spent his term and life as a lawyer working for progressive social causes like labor laws, fighting railroad monopolies, and creating the Federal Reserve System. He is known as "the people's lawyer" through his work as a Boston area lawyer, and as a result the founder and first president of the school, Abram L. Sachar renamed the former site of Middlesex University after Louis. Founded in 1948, Brandeis University has alumni in every facet of life from television show writers, to Pulitzer Prize winners, to actors and actresses, and to some of top scientists in their fields. It's motto, "Truth, Even Unto It's Innermost Parts" can be found all over campus, from being eluded to in club names, worn on their Division III uniforms, and emblazoned on nearly every sweatshirt and coffee mug in the bookstore. Located nine miles west of Boston in Waltham, Massachusetts, Brandeis is ranked in the top tier of American universities. And I'm beyond excited to be a member of the Class of 2015.
Besides giving me a full boat, Brandeis has given me motivation. Not just academically, but I've regained motivation in my quest for righteousness. I know that sounds so silly and dramatic, but quite honestly it's true. It has taken me a very long time to accept the fact that the past is set in stone and the only thing that we can pencil in is right now. I'm excited for the new challenges I know I'll be facing, the new people I'll hopefully become friends with, and the old faces I'll remember with a smile. Cheers, 2011- we're headed into uncharted territory.

"All glory comes from daring to begin." -Eugene F. Ware

live simply.

Day Forty-four: I'm Sorry.

Today was Wednesday. I'm stating that fact because this post is very, very overdue. I'm going to be honest, so hold on to your chairs faithful followers- I'm uninspired. Wednesdays are Wednesdays, and lately senioritis has been creeping into my life outside of Somersworth High School. I'm lazy, tired, and feeling just plain blah. I can feel myself starting to pull away from my friends and people in my life when I'm finding this is a time I should be strengthening our bonds. I don't know what is taking over my brain, but frankly I don't care for it. I keep finding reasons to distance myself from those around me, and where it is a good defense mechanism in times of copious drama, it's honestly really starting to impact me emotionally. I'm excited to start over and start a new adventure come June but I feel like I'm leaving something behind. I've tried to make high school about "zero regrets", but in the end I'm finding that I am riddled with regrets and "What If"'s. Quite possibly the worst feeling in the entire history of the universe, regret is like a disease: ravaging you until you feel smaller than a quark. And quarks are really, really small. I feel this desperate need to right my past wrongs or nots, but a shadow of doubt is cast and I can't seem to find a way to fix things. Maybe I just need a break.

"Memory is more incredible than ink." -Anita Loos

live simply.

Day Forty-three: Ruh Roh.

Today was procrastination. Not just any kind of procrastination, but the essence of procrastination. Hence the beginning to this late post. Ugh. I really hate not posting on time, but honestly, I keep saying it and I keep using it as an excuse but I really had a good reason. I was making these unbelievable connections with my future fellow Brandesians! Everyone is so incredibly nice and welcoming, and I surprisingly (well, not that surprisingly, I like and do a relatively wide variety of things) had something in common with everyone, literally everyone I've talked to. It's not everyday that I connect with a large group of people so quickly and on such a personal level like we all are doing, each night for hours on end. I'm so excited to meet everyone and experience the college life with them. I love Brandeis so much already, and I'm only going to love it more in the next few months.

"Good friends, good books, and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life." -Mark Twain

live simply.

Day Forty-two: The Essence of Make-Up Work

Today was a big ball of stress. Make-up work galore, a new and extremely inconvenient deadline for yearbook, unnecessary drama that I'm not even involved in, my jaw still hurting quite a bit from my wisdom teeth, my lack of understanding what was going on in any of my classes today, the dire wanting of a nap all day, falling asleep by accident and not waking up until four hours later, realizing that I clench my jaw during REM which results in swelling of my chipmunk cheeks and dry-sockets (so I've been told). Meh. Days like these make me wish I had my top two wisdom teeth out. Except not really, at all. After my unexpected nap I felt the stress melt away. A really good nap can do that to you, and it's honestly one of the best things ever. I woke up, checked my email and found an invitation to Brandeis's social network MyDeis, so of course I accepted. Now I'm chatting with some of my future classmates! They all seem to be ridiculously excited, as am I to be a Brandesian. Well, with all my stress melted to the floor and a few new friendships on my horizon, I'm ready for a good night's sleep.

"Earth laughs in flowers." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

live simply.

Day Forty-one: Attack of the MiniBlog

Today was far too lazy. Taking a second to look back on today's title, I'd like to rephrase. By MiniBlog I actually mean heebie-jeebies. And by heebie jeebies, I mean procrastination monsters. Yup. Bitten again. It really doesn't help your case when you're being advised to be as lazy as possible, so if you're looking to increase your productivity I don't recommend getting your wizzies out. The amount of time spent on the couch > the amount of time doing things relative to society and education. Far greater. Lately I've been lamenting to most of my friends that this blog is becoming less exciting to read, and even less exciting to write. I'm sure I'll find things to write about that will renew my passion for blogging but at the moment the fire is at a dull roar. It's quite a task, this blogging business. I'm still up for it, I just need some inspiration. And that's the whiny portion of this evening's  entertainment, and on to the day's events. Woke up in E's comfortable king-size, read a little of the Brandeis Hoot online, headed home, went to Panera with L where she bought me an early lunch (grilled mozzarella on ciabatta bread, yum!), came home and took a quick snooze, then started in on my rather large stack of homework. Unfortunately it was a lot, I mean A LOT larger than I had anticipated and the results are not pretty. Half-open eyes, nodding off in the middle of sentences, and illegible answers to math problems, with still much more to go. I've finally learned my lesson, and the procrastination monsters took the W home tonight.

"To improve is to change; to be perfect is to change often." -Winston Churchill

live simply.

Day Forty: Another Close Encounter with the Finest Romance Ever Seen

 

Today was tiring. Most of it was spent babysitting Oliver. If you don't already know, Oliver is my baby brother, who has entered the realm of the Terrible Two's. If you don't know what those are, Google it. Anyways, the rest of my day consisted of these events:
A nap. A few episodes of Arrested Development and an episode of Cougar Town. Icing my poor, swollen face with yet another bag of frozen peas and mixed vegetables. A few more episodes of Dinner Impossible. And that's about it.
Currently I'm blogging from the big chair in E's living room. We. along with C had a nice photoshoot, but because of the blur factor/ the fact that E is not the photogenic person in the world (ha ha ha E, hope you like that one) only a few were bloggable. Oh, and to add to the fun earlier, I spent a good amount of time scanning the Brandeis website for various clubs, pictures of campus, and the general history of the school. Every time I think about it or read about it, I can see myself there more and more. I could talk about it for hours, but instead I think I'll go snuggle up with E and C and find a movie. Lazy nights like these are the best.

"The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, Nor the kindly smile nor the joy of companionship; it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when they discover that someone else believes in them and is willing to trust them." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

live simply.

Day Thirty-nine: Legitimate Food; Hooray!

Today was, meh. It was notably better than yesterday, which summed up to be in the vicinity of blah. The swelling in my poor mouth had gone down and I was allowed to eat real food! I've never been so hungry for toast in my entire life. Ironically, I didn't even get to eat toast. Instead I had some tasty fish and some yogurt. Before my teeth of wisdom were pulled, yogurt and I had quite the love-hate relationship. Now, it's all hate. So slimy, so unforgiving when room temperature. I can't wait to ditch the curds and move on to bigger and better things, like Cheerios. I've said it once, I'll say it again; I'm a low-maintenance kind of girl. Gimme a bowl of Cheerios, a good book, a sunny day and you're golden. Like Ponyboy. Besides my graduation from baby food I rearranged and reorganized my room a little bit. My lantern made the jump into my make-shift closet, and I organized my night stand trinkets. And I made my bed. Flannel sheets and new pillow cases are just so wonderful! Like I said before: low maintenance. I also got some sweet icicle pics from outside my living room window, cause there was no way I was heading outside to be artsy today. Well, that about sums up my day. I'm off to grab some frozen mixed veggies for my chipmunk cheeks, pull up the Brandeis website and dream about next fall. Life really is good.


"No photographer is as good as the simplest camera." -Edward Steichen

live simply.

Day Thirty-eight: Suspected Failure and Monster Teeth

Today was terrible. I got my wisdom teeth out yesterday morning. That statement in itself explains the lack of pictures in this post. I was feeling so terrible and so swollen that I abandoned my blog duties and honestly failed at my mission. Today was the one day I didn't take any pictures. I was confined to my living room couch and wasn't allowed to eat ANYTHING. Besides slimy yogurt. Ew. I apologize for this post. It was late, barren, and basically a disappointment. On the flip side, my mother gave me my wisdom teeth. They're so gnarly! My dad thinks I should string them onto a necklace. Little does he know that's a possible father's day present in the making. Like father, like daughter, right?

I lied!! I found some pictures hidden on my camera that I took pre-and post-extraction! Hooray!

"Atheism is a non-prophet organization." -George Carlin (Ha ha! I thought this one was pretty clever.)

live simply.

Day Thirty-seven: Naps with a Side of Nap

Today was blizzard-tastic. Since our snow day today was called last night, I wasted no time in getting a head-start on my sleeping in. What I didn't realize was that my day would consist of multiple naps with minute breaks of lucidity. So this is going to be a very, very short post. Besides the fact that the blizzard outside left me incapable, or even wanting to leave the house, I was plainly and simply tired. Everything was starting to catch up to me, so today I let it all catch up. Most of the day I was snoozing, but when I wasn't I was doing Physics homework, snacking, and watching Bones. In all, I'd say this was another rousing success of a snow day. Wish me luck on the extraction of my wisdom teeth. Hopefully I'm still wise as ever on the other side.

"Never fear shadows. That always means there is a light shining somewhere." -Jonathan Santos

PS: This post was not meant to be a day late. My computer shut off and wouldn't turn back on as I was in the middle of uploading pictures. Arg.

live simply.

Day Thirty-six: Speaking of LJ...

Today was chilly. Disclaimer: I know that this post is late. I had a good internet connection for most of the night, but as I went to blog my connection decided to be anything but good, leaving me a day late and a dollar short. As I was trying to finagle my internet signal, I started thinking about y Livejournal and the fact that I had been neglecting it for almost a year. I logged in and felt myself be taken back to the end of my junior year. My last post was on the day of graduation and since this was my journal, here are my thoughts on that very day:

(June 16th. in nearly exactly one year from today i will be eighteen years of age and taking the last steps in my high school career. honestly? it scares the ever loving shit out of me to think about it. a legal adult; able to make legitimate decisions directly impacting my life and others around me, about to leave the nest for the first time. as i sit here pondering my existence on this earth the last seventeen years, i can feel my tearducts getting ready to topple over. seventeen years of beautiful people and unforgettable moments. seventeen years of smiles and tears, bad and good days, and most of all, seventeen years of breaths ive taken that have brought me to this very moment. the extensive vocabulary is of no use to me tonight; the emotions pouring out of me are entirely of their own being. 

vague has never been my scene, so these next few lines will be specifics to the specific. truly, one hundred percent honesty speaking here, am i glad that you and i have reconnected. we have had more than our fair share of miscommunications, ups and downs, but to be frank, i couldn't imagine spending another day sending negative energy your way. alright, thats a lie. i can imagine it, i had been living it for the past eight months, but in the grand scheme of things, this connection was something that inevitably i wouldnt be able to deny any longer. )


I signed the end of the post with "live simply." and I realized that I am still that scared 17-year-old, just a year older. The second paragraph is still completely relevant to today as well. As senior year rolled around, I figured that someone who I have had an extensive (and roller coaster-like) history with would be one of three things to me; my mortal enemy, my significant other, or a good friend. It turns out that we're the third of the choices, which I think is the best in any case. When I started this blog, I told myself that I would quit the vague and stick to specifics. Senior year is turning out to be the best year, and in the end that's what I'll remember. Names in this case are irrelevant, facts and details unneeded. The universe has spoken, and I'm alright with that.


"When you have completed 95% of your journey, you are only halfway there." -Japanese Proverb


PS: I really miss Maryland summers. 


live simply.

Day Thirty-five: The Stressing Effects of Becoming "Blah"

 

Today was rather strange. Alright, here's to another tardy posting. I feel as though I should explain myself. Lately, I've been very lazy. My life has consisted of four, well five things lately:
1. Brave New World by Aldous Huxley. Such a great and terrifying book.
2. My TI-89 graphing calculator. She's pretty, but super difficult to work with. Ironic.
3. My pillow. Naps should be mandatory like they were when we were little.
4. Fruit. I'm on a pear and apple kick lately. Delicious.
5. Dave Matthews Band. Newest obsession, best music to blog to. Goodbye, T. Swift- you have been booted from the blogspot playlist and replaced by DMB and Third Eye Blind.
You'll notice blogging did not make the cut. Although I am rather content with my list (minus Miss TI-89) I am willing to add a sixth facet to my life to really spice things up. I realized today, well yesterday, that I created this blog for a reason and I need to stay true to my goal. If I'm going to keep this up for a year, I can't be constantly playing catch-up and posting no blogs one day and three or four the next. From now on, I'm going to make a solid, good-faith effort to posting on a real schedule like I was doing before. Senioritis doesn't hit you just in school. It takes over your life. I'm determined to beat down my demons and truly blog. I pinky promise.

"If passion drives you, let it hold the reins." - Benjamin Franklin

live simply.