I Can't Look at the Stars.

Disclaimer: Don't read this blog post if you want to read something coherent and uplifting.

I'm furious. Absolutely fuming.
This is the most stressful time of each semester and once again I'm finding myself dealing with things that are not only external, but pulling me in every direction away from my academics.
Granted, academia is a LARGE portion of the stress that is pushing me to pull away, but honestly? No one likes finals. No one likes the end of the semester. No one is social, no one is themselves. Nothing is rational; sleeping patterns are thrown out the window (even more so than usual), the library becomes home, and time becomes entirely irrelevant as every day blurs into the next.

That being said, with all the rules of finals life splayed for all to see, I'd like to take the time to vocalize some boundaries, some guidelines if you will, to how I operate in demoralizing times like this.
1) If I am in a bad mood, I am in a bad mood. Do not try to rationalize it, do not take offense to it.
2) Do not try to present new information or attempt to converse with me on anything of life-altering importance. It will not take precedent and I will not respond to it with my regular zeal.
3) I am not a real person. Do not treat me like I am and expect that I will act like one. This entirely includes number 2 on this list as well as conversation in general.

I am Brandesian. I am neurotic. I am not perfect. I am not a role model. I am not a trail blazer. And most importantly, I am human.
I try my best, and you know what? My best is often not quite good enough.
I've accepted that, and now you should too.



live simply.

You're Giving Me Such Sweet Nothing.

I've really been in the blogging spirit lately. It probably has to do with my default function; to procrastinate when I have a large task ahead of me. While plausible, it's more likely that it has to do with this clawing desire to spill my guts to someone, anyone.

Alas, this desire will never be satisfied, at least in this way.
I can't remember the last time I felt like this. I feel so... high school.

I'm not going to start blogging in code again, I had enough of that junior year with my LiveJournal phase. Instead, I'll post a picture. How do you like that for self control?

Seriously though, that exposé is dangerously close from becoming a real thing. Just another all-nighter and pint of Ben and Jerry's away... Or something like that.
Stay tuned.

live simply.

Just Ask the Axis.

I type this 2 AM post from a very chilly dorm room, wondering why my heat is no longer turning on, simultaneously contemplating the investment of flannel long underwear. A rainy, snowy, sleety day has left me feeling rather tired and terribly unfocused. Looking back on my day, I realize two things; I did not leave the comfort of my dorm except to step just outside the door today, and also that although productivity was somewhat limited in an academic scope it was fairly productive in a life-sense. My bed was made, my emails were sent, my i's were dotted and my t's were crossed. The nook that is Room 630 became less of a safe-haven and more of a hermit's dwelling. And quite frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn.

Fast-approaching, my twentieth birthday has certainly been on my mind. A meaningless age to many young Americans, 20 simply is to some the year before the year. What I don't understand is why it's not by default THE year. Sure, you can't order a glass of wine at dinner or buy you and your buddies a 6-pack (legally), but what's not to celebrate? No longer are you categorically associated with "teens" and the subsequent connotations. You have survived, thrived rather, for two decades in a time that has changed dramatically since our first steps. Floppy discs, the cell phone, the internet- so many things have come and gone within the last twenty years and you've experienced them. Few generations preceding ours grew up with such substantial cultural evolution and you still think that this twentieth year isn't the year to properly celebrate? Priorities, man. Priorities. 

Quickly glancing back, the tone of this post is somewhat hard for me to nail down. I realize that I am typing absentmindedly. I don't have quite the audience I had a few years ago but to those of you who happen to keep up with this blog, I apologize for the rambling. I do hope that although infrequent, these posts- musings rather- inspire some sort of internal discussion. In full disclosure, all this blog chops up to be lately is the overflow of personal battles that due to the public nature of this blog, (and my relatively shy tendencies regarding my personal life) I feel compelled to somehow censor.

One of these days I'll just do it. Pour my heart out. Put it all on the table. Or something like that.

Until then, decipher away all you want, dear readers. 

If I told you, I'd have to kill you.

live simply.

Twisting to the Sun and the Moon

This has been one of the longest, shortest, and all around life changing semesters.
I say longest and shortest in the same breath because just over two months ago I wasn't quite the same person I am today, and it didn't seem to take long to make the change.
These 12 weeks have slipped through my fingers- three weeks from now I'll be leaving teenagerhood behind and entering what I can only assume is adulthood.

20.

How on Earth did that happen?

Before I get too far into that topic (which I'll most likely save for the 15th), I want to relay a point.
Over the last few months, I've become much more familiar with a Robert Frost quote I penned many moons ago-

"In three words, I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on."

As much as I try, I cannot stop life from happening. The sun rises and so does the moon. There are some days that are longer than others, but life still goes on regardless if you're keeping with the times.

Looks like I have three weeks to tie my shoelaces, brush off my shoulders, and run like hell to catch up.



live simply.

Comeback King

Life used to be simple.
Playing outside in the sun.
Running from nowhere and from nothing.

If knowledge is freedom, how do we feel so much bliss in ignorant youth? There's gotta be a way to get back to that.

live simply.