It's All Uncharted.

Surely two of the most disjointed roller coaster ride of weeks that I have experienced in a while, these last two have been an interesting adjustment to life post-EFS. Lectures and classrooms feel foreign and unnatural, and the closeness I found with my 14 EFS-ers is pretty broken up. Not in a bad way by any stretch of the imagination, but broken in the way it feels when you end a really great conversation-- the door shuts on a topic and the thing between you and that other soul becomes momentarily disconnected.

That being said, two weeks is not a long time. Although it feels like I've been at Deis for months now, I still have a significant amount of time to re-adjust and make the concessions necessary to keep calm and carry on. And today felt like a good starting point. Wish me luck.

live simply.

Kick Out the Epic Dollar-sign.

Tonight I tried my hand at something I've only really done in my head over the last few months. I sat down at my desk, scanned my iTunes playlists, downloaded an app, and put a track of my own together. Inspired by the opening weekend of Recruitment, I hung up my dusty video editing skills and tried on DJ moccasins for the evening. What I had imagined over the last weekend swirled in my mind as I frustratedly attempted to sew pickups and drops together minding beats per minute and decibel counts. An hour or so passed before I realized that I had only pieced a minute and a half's worth of material together. Ecstatic I had finally (somewhat) matched the counts of my choice tracks close enough, I soldiered on through 1 AM. Three hours and four songs produced just over five minutes of haphazardly laced volume fluctuations.

Oh, you want to hear it? Not yet. It's just the first draft.
And even though it's clearly amateur, I still created it.

Proud of myself? You bet I am.


live simply.

4:14 AM

An original title, I know. This is not going to be long though, I just need to evacuate some of the thoughts and words and emotions that just coursed through my veins over the last few hours.

Honestly, I don't know why I'm actually upset. Feeling settled, the walk back didn't seem as bad but for some reason, walking into my cold, dark room on Hass 6 felt much more lonely than how I had left it. Unraveling the truth over what has been happening since the end of winter break, I'm not surprised with how the things turned out. Instead, I'm surprised that breaking the threshold of my single brought slightly more emotion than I had just been feeling and talking about. Obviously I'm not going to divulge the details of my evening on here, but the hum of my laptop and the clicking of the keys as I translate tense, jumbled thoughts into erratic phrases has proven to be comforting, just as it used to be.

A friendship was saved and yet something great was still lost. Well, temporarily misplaced. Still, coming to the realization that what once worked so well is essentially an impossibility at this point in time is a hard pill to swallow.

Truthfully, all I can do is hope that this pill will help ease the pain.


live simply.

I'll Keep Dancing On My Own

Sometimes, I do silly, silly things that backfire. Like make a hilarious joke that doesn't seem so hilarious just a few hours later. No worries. Eventually I'll learn. For now, I'll just keep dancing on my own.


live simply.

Blue as the Sky, Sunburnt and Lonely.

Courageous has never been a word to describe me. One soccer season early in my defensive career I got the nickname "Tenacious Taylor", but not quite courageous.

A quick Google search of the word "courageous" sets you up with this simple, concise definition:

cou·ra·geous 

/kəˈrājəs/ : Not being deterred by danger or pain; brave.

Looking back over the last few months, I must say that I've had my few moments of courage. I've made decisions I didn't want to but knew I needed to. I pushed myself past the point I thought I would break and instead found myself bending and springing back into place.

I'm not going to use this blog post as a vehicle to toot my own horn, but I did want to take the time to recognize my own efforts. The last few months have been an immense learning experience for me, and although I didn't necessarily do the best, I still did a good job. So I'll go ahead and call myself courageous for just this one time. Disagree? Go live your own Experience then.

live simply.

Singin' In the Rain.

Considering the fact that my subscriber list and blog views have significantly plummeted since January 2011, I no longer feel that it's necessary to censor and "code" everything I write about.

That being said, I know how wordy and "blabber-mouthy" I can get and so this will still be somewhat censored, as in actuality I have no idea who even reads my blog these days.


Relevance. Brought up by a "friend" a few weeks ago and more recently, earlier today in my Anthropology class, the idea that in only seconds a place or time or person can become entirely relevant to your life continues to both fascinate and baffle me. Unfortunately for the average reader of this blog, I'm not going to go in depth on this topic, or really even scratch the surface of it. Instead, I'm just going to say what has been slowly burning in my chest longer than I've wanted.

One of my all-time favorite, ultimate good-mood films has now been tainted with the reality of my indecision and inability to speak up. Being tongue tied has left me with the irrevocable pang of realization that when you are singing in the rain, all you are doing, in fact, is singing in the rain. Once you've been soaked through, an umbrella will not change the fact that your clothes are dripping wet and your shoes probably do that uncomfortable squishing thing when you take a step.

All of these seemingly irrelevant details that I took the time to blog about? Exactly that, irrelevant.
However, reality and relevance could be just the thing slapping you in the face if you're singin' in the rain too.



live simply.

2+0+1+3 = A Sunny Disposition

Cheers to the New Year, folks! Here's my first blogpost of 2013.
Coinciding with the first day of classes, this blogpost has fourteen days of stories, tears and laughter concealed in my typical thinly-veiled composition.

Two weeks have passed since my last thoughts of 2012, and although those seemed pertinent to deliver into the blogosphere, I've decided to start fresh. With all intentions of upholding the cliche tradition, my new resolutions-- which I've come to realize are actually rather old and just never executed with any real intention of follow-through-- lead the way for this relatively quickly composed post.

Let Go.
An irrational fear of mine, letting go of control and allowing the flow to be gone with is not something that I am used to. Newly twenty and feeling wholly out of control of many things, this concept, as scary and unnatural as it feels, has been strangely liberating. Sure, I slip up from time to time and feel myself fall back into the same anxious tendencies, but the vice grip in my chest I usually experienced when I felt like I was losing my footing in a situation has loosened.

As I'm writing this, I'm realizing that really all of my resolutions and the things I'd like to do differently about 2013 than what I did with 2012 fall under the resolution to let go. Letting go of 2012 is actually going to be very difficult-- two weeks in and I'm already reeling-- but I figure if I can give into 2013 and relinquish control, I'll find twenty to be a year for the books.

Cheers to keeping your face towards the sunshine.
The shadows will always fall behind.

live simply.