Today was incredible. Quite honestly, I can't believe I let sixty days of my life slip by without even an inkling in the blogosphere. I realize that I have once again failed my mission. I tried to blog about my last days as a high school student, and essentially the last days of my childhood but I found that I got caught up in living the minutes, hours, days. Each second passed and I was actually living it, not spending my precious time (as I have come to think of it) writing about it. I laughed, I cried- I went through the menagerie of quintessential graduation emotions, and I came out on the other end. I always used to say that I felt as though I would be in high school forever. Well thank whatever thing that is swirling around the universe up there, cause I'm glad I'm no longer a student and rather an alum. In the sixty days that I have spent since I penned my last thoughts on here, I've felt myself go through this tremendous growth. I've felt myself become free from the grueling restraints of high school drama, I've swept the dusty memories of regret and pain out from the recesses of my mind, and I have picked up the shell of what high school left me as and filled it with myself again.
It's been quite some time since I've felt like me. Like actually, undoubtedly, unabashedly me. This feeling of rebirth, its unbelievable. In the past I've tried to say that I stand upon my own two feet with disregard for those who look down upon me. And you know what? I tried my best. But in all sincerity of the words, high school chews you up and spits you out like no other. I'm grateful for some of the people who have come into my life as a result of my years as a little-baby freshman, a not-so-low-on-the-totem-pole sophomore, a frantic-college-plaqued junior, and a senior with that strut in her step and that slight tear in her heart. And I'd like to say that I'm not so thankful for those who caused my teenage angst and the downward spiral of my self-esteem, but I'm thankful for those assholes too (please pardon my language, it's honestly a very fitting superlative). Without the loops I've been thrown for or the land mines that have blown up in my face, I quite frankly would not be the same person typing this post at 3:20 A.M. on a cool August morning. So thanks, assholes- thank you very much.
In the last sixty days, I've changed. Sure, I'm still the same anxiety-ridden, over-analytical, neurotic blogger that I was June 11th, but I stand on my own size 7 1/2 feet. The last sixty days have anchored me into the person that I know I can become. I know the sentence previous doesn't make sense upon first read, but if you think in the more philosophical sense of your self, you may (or may not) understand what I'm trying to convey. This grounding, this mooring to reality has made me realize how much of myself I sent packing as I walked the halls of SHS. The amount is astounding, and the description of a hollow casing? Somewhat, quite accurate. I can't say that my high school experience as a whole completely ravaged my being; Honors English IV with Mr. Mack was an honor, my A&P courses with Ms. Handy taught me so much more than just about the human body, and my 3rd blocks spent in the library made me realize that there really are wonderful, good people out there- you just have to open your eyes as well as your heart. The final chapter of my high school story exponentially outweighs the ones previous, and it lead ever so nicely into the novella of my summer. Unbeknownst to me, opening your eyes is a pretty legitimate way to make friendships, and even more astounding was the revelation about an open heart. This summer, while it's not yet over, has been one for the books. And by books I mean the Sarah Dessen kind. This summer (or
That Summer, hehe) has been one of many firsts. The first time I was assigned a summer reading book since I was in grade school, the first time I had to choose my own classes sincerely on my own, the first time I had to be a grown up about money and real-world stuff, and the first time that I jumped and someone caught me. Now, I've learned my lesson; kissing and telling is a rookie mistake. But I will say that if I had known that all the trials and tribulations of yesteryears would lead to this incredible person, I would have sucked it up with a smile. I will also say that I so desperately wish this blog was a personal journal, if for only a few minutes, so I could gush and be mushy and such. In all honesty, I am the happiest I have been in a very, very long time. I never believed the cliche "waking up with a smile and falling asleep the same way" but folks, my cheeks are surely getting a workout. The timing could not have been more horrible and perfect. Summer is almost over, but I am just getting started.
"In all things nature, there is something of the marvelous." -Aristotle
live simply.
