Over the past year, I've been fairly inactive on here- as well as Facebook- for mostly positive reasons but one rather big negative one. Around this time last year, I had been really looking forward to my California adventure at the Woolman Semester School, when it unexpectedly fell through and my internship, alongside student programs for the year, were cancelled. This devastating news came two weeks prior to my move-out-west date, and it totally turned my world upside down, ESPECIALLY after leaving BPS, moving out of my Somerville apartment, purging most of my physical possessions, telling friends and family about my new chapter, and pulling my East Coast roots, only to have to stay put with no trajectory. For the first time in my adult life, I had all the time in the world and no desire to enjoy it. I didn't know who I was unless I was GO GO GO-ing somewhere, doing something, running on fumes. As a result of what felt like a loss of self, I went through a major depressive episode during last fall. Grieving for the loss of my dream job was exhausting, and around my 24th birthday I hit a wall, realizing the only way back to feeling "normal" was to do something about it- leading to a complete overhaul of my psychological, emotional, physical and most importantly, gastrointestinal health.
After the rocky fall months, I found myself keeping very, VERY busy with various jobs in the Seacoast NH area- briefly a kindergarten classroom Aide, North Country Hard Cider Tasting Room Manager, Hostess at Black Trumpet Bistro, and Farmer at Meadow's Mirth Farm. Each of these jobs came to me as if they fell from the sky right when I needed them and into my outstretched hands, and I started to pick up the pieces of myself that fell to the side during my intense year of 6th grade teaching and the loss of my dream job. As I ran around the seacoast attempting to make it all work- and heal my gastrointestinal issues, both consciously and subconsciously was experiencing the stages of grief in erratic and disorder. I recommitted to my yoga practice through Mysore at Yoga East, and filled up my days with movement, good food, and practicing enormous amounts of self care. Meanwhile, after the darkness of winter creeped in and the promise of longer days was around the corner, the threads of my personal and professional interests began weaving themselves together. During one of my "WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE IM LIVING AT HOME I DONT HAVE A REAL JOB I AM SO LAME AND SAD" fits, I opened my computer and sat with a blank Google search bar for a few minutes, attempting to listen to whatever swirling out there in the universe had to say. After falling into the teaching job in Boston last year, I couldn't help but feel like although being a classroom teacher wasn't my thing, maybe I should consider other facets of the education sphere that honored more of my sustainable interests and passions. I google searched many, many iterations of "sustainable curriculum science education masters". I looked across the US, focusing on California and the West Coast, since even after Woolman not working out, and three or four other California jobs not going past the application or interview, I was determined to get out of New Hampshire/New England. Especially if it meant avoiding another snowy winter.
At the encouragement of my sweet and endlessly supportive partner, I broadened my search to Europe and furiously googled my way across the continent. Shortly before visiting him in November, I stumbled upon the Science Education and Communication Masters Program through the Graduate School of Teaching at Utrecht University (a mouthful, I know) and honestly thought it was too good to be true. The program combined my past science research focuses with the missing pieces from my year of teaching in such an elegant and interesting and cross-disciplinary way that I totally was hooked. I visited Holland, and Europe for the first time in November and completely fell in love with the country. I returned from the Netherlands, still unsure of what I was doing or if I would apply to the program, but I knew something was in the works in the universe. I picked up the restaurant job, and applied to the program. A week before my second trip to Holland I was offered a position in the program, so I flew over there with the intention of sorting out some logistics as well as meeting my department, and that I did. The last few months have been a blur of farming, hostessing, managing the tasting room, and organizing emigration/enrollment. As of today, all of my paperwork is in, my flight is booked, my jobs are quit, and I'm almost a week into enjoying the first "summer" I've had since I was 16.
At the encouragement of my sweet and endlessly supportive partner, I broadened my search to Europe and furiously googled my way across the continent. Shortly before visiting him in November, I stumbled upon the Science Education and Communication Masters Program through the Graduate School of Teaching at Utrecht University (a mouthful, I know) and honestly thought it was too good to be true. The program combined my past science research focuses with the missing pieces from my year of teaching in such an elegant and interesting and cross-disciplinary way that I totally was hooked. I visited Holland, and Europe for the first time in November and completely fell in love with the country. I returned from the Netherlands, still unsure of what I was doing or if I would apply to the program, but I knew something was in the works in the universe. I picked up the restaurant job, and applied to the program. A week before my second trip to Holland I was offered a position in the program, so I flew over there with the intention of sorting out some logistics as well as meeting my department, and that I did. The last few months have been a blur of farming, hostessing, managing the tasting room, and organizing emigration/enrollment. As of today, all of my paperwork is in, my flight is booked, my jobs are quit, and I'm almost a week into enjoying the first "summer" I've had since I was 16.
While having three jobs and working 6-7 days a week for the last year has been hectic and crazy, I've built around me the most amazing community across sustainable food and education and this past year spent at home has truly been a blessing in disguise. I finally figured out what was going on with my stomach, got to spend the year with my family and siblings, and made some really beautiful and interesting friendships within a community I had never really considered mine. I've experienced depth and light in my yoga practice through committed study of the Yoga Sutras with my group at the studio, and I've never felt more like myself. In addition to diving deeper spiritually, I was diagnosed with SIBO after a few months of inconclusive exams and tests, as well as a course of really hardcore antibiotics (that unfortunately made things worse). Finally knowing that something real was actually wrong with me rather than feeling crazy, stupid, and sick all the time was finally a huge burden lifted, and I've been finally feeling healthier with the addition of an herbal protocol, probiotic course, and vitamin supplements. Over the last 3.5 years I had been in the dark and in denial about my stomach health, and it feels like I'm finally stepping into the light with all aspects of my health.
For the first time in my entire life, I don't feel like I'm trying to desperately escape New Hampshire. The Buddha has a saying- "no mud, no lotus" and man, this year was a muddy one. And last year. And I expect the move to the Netherlands to be interesting and challenging too, probably fairly muddy at times as I figure out how to navigate Dutch living. But that's the thing- the mud makes the lotus. This whole time I have been growing and shifting and moving and shaking AT HOME. Growth is growth! I'll bloom someday. For now, I'm preparing for this unbelievable, yet totally-believable next adventure, trying to keep some of the anxious "this isn't going to work out" thoughts at bay, because why shouldn't it? Luck is where preparation meets opportunity, and I was given an amazing opportunity this year to redirect my life in a more mindful, compassionate way. I am so thankful for this community around me, as well as within me and I'm so excited to bring it with me to HOLLAND!
Since committing to practice at Yoga East, the Yoga Sutras have been an enormous part of my internal and external dialogue. Chanting Sanskrit and discussing the interpretations with members of my yoga community has been more valuable than I can begin to describe. The first sutra-- Atha yoganusasanam --begins with the word atha, which means "now" and indicates that much has come before this moment, but here is where it all begins. Obviously referring to yoga, this sutra and the potency of atha in relation to the last few years, as well as the next few years, it all begins here. It's always beginning- learning and life are not linear, but growth is always happening; new-ness is always here. Thankful from the bottom of my heart, now I begin!
Living as simply as possible, with lots of plants, smiles, and fruit,
T
For the first time in my entire life, I don't feel like I'm trying to desperately escape New Hampshire. The Buddha has a saying- "no mud, no lotus" and man, this year was a muddy one. And last year. And I expect the move to the Netherlands to be interesting and challenging too, probably fairly muddy at times as I figure out how to navigate Dutch living. But that's the thing- the mud makes the lotus. This whole time I have been growing and shifting and moving and shaking AT HOME. Growth is growth! I'll bloom someday. For now, I'm preparing for this unbelievable, yet totally-believable next adventure, trying to keep some of the anxious "this isn't going to work out" thoughts at bay, because why shouldn't it? Luck is where preparation meets opportunity, and I was given an amazing opportunity this year to redirect my life in a more mindful, compassionate way. I am so thankful for this community around me, as well as within me and I'm so excited to bring it with me to HOLLAND!
Since committing to practice at Yoga East, the Yoga Sutras have been an enormous part of my internal and external dialogue. Chanting Sanskrit and discussing the interpretations with members of my yoga community has been more valuable than I can begin to describe. The first sutra-- Atha yoganusasanam --begins with the word atha, which means "now" and indicates that much has come before this moment, but here is where it all begins. Obviously referring to yoga, this sutra and the potency of atha in relation to the last few years, as well as the next few years, it all begins here. It's always beginning- learning and life are not linear, but growth is always happening; new-ness is always here. Thankful from the bottom of my heart, now I begin!
Living as simply as possible, with lots of plants, smiles, and fruit,
T
