Day Four: Life As I Knew It

Today was blah. I lied. Today was different. I woke up nice and toasty, like most mornings but I was unaware of the changes I would internally make due to external factors. I picked up my borrowed copy of Tuesdays With Morrie skeptically. Having previously been told how "terrible" and "boring" it was, I wasn't looking forward to the next one hundred and ninetyone pages. I glanced over the praises and found the table of contents. Unlike Way of the Peaceful Warrior, the titles of each chapter were captivating and I made my way through the first, second, third, and before I knew it I had finished. I was incredulous. Of course I've read books before, but this one was different. It had heart. Ironically enough, Tuesdays was written by a Brandeis graduate about a former Brandeis professor. Beyond that, the words really stuck with me. How terrible: slowly and painfully becoming the prisioner of your own body, your mind awake and alive and desperate for this shell of a cage to get better as you know it will only get worse. Two hundred pages, thousands of words, and yet, I have never been hit so hard by a piece of literature. I'm so thankful that I refused the urge to skim or sparknote, and I feel sorry for those who will. This book is more than a book. It's change. It's making me take the steps to be the person I've always tried to be. I doubt you'll ever see this, but thank you Mr. MacKenzie. This book just made the course for me. It's pushed me to forgive others for hurting me, and it's also made me realize that it's okay for me to forgive myself and feel.
I called someone from my past today. I never imagined that he would just be that, but circumstances change when people do. Forgiveness. Not expecting him to pick up, I left a voicemail. I seriously doubt he'll ever read these words but the thanks and the wishes were genuine. I am not the newly minted adult that I am without the people I have met along the way. So thank you, everyone. Thank you for making me cry, laugh, think, love, and now, forgive.

As I hung up, I realized I wouldn't mind if I didn't hear from him. It would be great, but it's not something I'll be holding my breath for. People come and go in your life. Some are meant to stay longer than others. It's the quality, not quantity of the moments that count. I learned an awful lot about life, love, friendship, and what it's like to lose someone you truly care about. Perhaps that's all they were meant to be; a catalyst for the life knowledge that was headed my way. In whatever form, I thank you old friend.

"Each night, when I go to sleep, I die. And the next morning, when I wake up, I am alive." - Mahatma Gandhi

live simply.